Google schmoogle

Did you know that THE top google search keyword that brings folks to my blog is....

drumroll please....

CHUTIYA!

I guess I am owning it since I talked about Chutiyas and Chutiyagiri a very long time ago. Folks from Argentina to Norway and Patna have been searching for Chutiya and stumbling across my blog. I hope they enjoyed the rest of my humdrum posts too.

Okay here is another one : Haraami Kutta!

That should bring a lot more people to my blog.

Excuse me while I go wash my mouth out with carbolic soap.

In which she gives you a household hint and an excuse to get yourself a drink to start the weekend right!

So I can flip from fertility issues to household hints to political rants and then gossip! Yeah, I know sometimes you dont know what to make of me. Sometimes I dont know either.

So get yourself a glass of something good, a plate of something fatty and crunchy to eat and start your weekend off right... and read on.

I just saved myself a pile of money! Saving money is cause for celebration right? Go on, celebrate with me... go have have another drink! See, I just gave you another excuse to start your weekend already.. did'nt I?

Why am I so thrilled? Because I stopped myself... in the nick of time... from throwing away a couple of All Clad pots, that were the stars of my culinary world. I used them for everything. They were very expensive but just the best things that I had ever bought for my kitchen. I think I probably saved up for a few months for each pot, so you know how much I loved them.

Recently I have become a less than careful cook and they had become horribly charred. So bad that even steel wool and earnest scrubbing could not rescue them. Everything stuck to the bottom and everything cooked in them tasted burnt. I wrote to the manufacturer and used every possible thing to fix the problem... including this which can basically clean anything off anything. Sigh... I was ready to weep.

I had tossed them in the garbage, when an Aunt of mine came to visit from India. She pottered around my kitchen, switched all my spices and pots around until I could not find anything anymore, declared that we did'nt eat enough good ghee and she also lectured me endlessly on how wasteful we were. Worse, she threw away Husband's preserved pickled Herring! You can tell that she was generally begining to annoy me.

I was not really surprised when she started frothing at the mouth when she saw the pots in the trash. What she did next though surprised me.

She had me dive headfirst into the slimy garbage and pull them out and rinse them off. Then she told me put an inch of water in the pots and soak a cupfull of Sago .. Sabudana... which is different from Tapioca ... in the water overnight. The next day I was instructed to boil up the whole slimy mess and stir with a wooden spoon/non stick spatula while the mess boiled. Imagine my surprise when the charred bottom bits came unstuck... in huge flakes! No scratches, no elbow grease, no hard labor. It was like a miracle! It was wonderous! My pots were back to thier new pristine glory. It truly is a miracle I tell you. It was like pulling a few hundred dollars out of the garbage!

Since then I have used Sabudana to clean pretty much every mess in the kitchen. Counters with stuck on, dried on food like egg or aataa? Those burnt on patches on the oven shelves? Non stick pans which actually do stick if you forget to turn off the stove and are on the phone with a fun friend? Cleaning the outdoor grill? Scuff marks on highly polished dining table? Yeah, you guessed it. Sabudana in its various forms! Boiled up/powdered/gloppy paste. All of them work.

Now if I can only get the family to eat Sabudana Khichadi... sigh!

For rent?

Amitabh Bachchan has been a larger than life figure in my childhood and adolescence and certainly epitomised my idea of a movie star! I have always admired his acting skills and recently have come to appreciate his writing skills on his blog... though perhaps not the content.

Recently his noisy rants have been colorful and mildly amusing being that they come from his august mind. In a post on his blog he writes about gestational surrogacy and his feelings about that phenonmenon. His thoughts are buried in this post.

As someone who has gone through the entire wretched and excruciating process of fertility treatment, I was disturbed by his remarks. But then he can be excused. He and several others with hardline opinions have perhaps not walked a single step in the painful shoes marked infertility.

For me and my husband, while the process was long and sometimes felt hopeless we were blessed to have two children.

Has the experience left us completely unscathed? Perhaps not. The psyche is scarred and the joyous presence of our kids is still an incomplete balm. The entire process of fertility treatment has left us slightly different people. Very happy and content, but different. That my friends, is how big the issue of fertility is for many couples. For those who have not walked in our shoes to color the issues as good/evil in broad brush strokes is not warranted. To say children are merely commodities in our eyes makes a mockery of our desire to nuture a biological future generation.

I have written a comment on his blogpost and reproduce it here. Every blogpost of his generates a few hundred comments and perhaps my comment will get buried somewhere. So here it is for your reading pleasure and comment.

I do reccomend that you read his blogpost too so that you get reference to context. Let me know what you think.

My comment follows.
.....................................................................................

At the risk of sounding curmudgeonly and shaking a virtual finger at you, I have something to say about your view of surrogacy for those faced with fertility issues.


It really and truly takes someone who has been through the extremely hellish process that is dealing with fertility issues to understand the anguish, hopelessness and feelings of personal loss that women and men seeking a child are subjected to. As a veteran of that process, let me assure you that even my own beloved mother did not understand my pain during those excruciating years. There is no way she can understand (though she tried hard to see things through my eyes and heart)… just as I do not expect you or Kutty, Madan or Puri to understand unless they are face to face with the issue of thier own infertility.

Ofcourse it follows that desperate people seeking a biological child will follow through any avenue allowed by modern science and where legal issues are not insurmountable. Surrogacy is just one such avenue. Does it make someone less of a mother because she did not carry her child in her own womb? Is seeking an affordable surrogate a crime for middle class person? Do middle class people have no right to pursue that course and pay less for the procedure if the “birth” mother (and i use this term loosely) is being also benefited? Is the child going to be less loved because it was not nourished by its nurturing mother’s placenta?

I think to color the entire issue in broad strokes with a black paint is wrong and is insensitive to those who struggle with fertility issues.

i hear so often… oh why dont they just adopt! yes, that is certainly an option but hearts and minds must come to terms with that eventuality when all other options are useless. Some decide to adopt and some cannot. Does it mean that the ones who decide not to adopt are incapable of loving a/thier child? ofcourse not! So why would I blacktar the issue of a possible surrogacy without considering that there are many shades of grey to that decision… just as there are so many in life.

Yes, i do agree with you that laws need to be carefully examined to allow for all circumstances to be covered before the child is even concieved. In that and in adoption laws, India needs a huge wake up call. However to denigrate the avenue of surrogacy as lacking in human values of parental love and affection is wrong. For some of us, it is the only way out.

Pugilistic

So this is what I have been doing! On many fronts! More to follow.

Yeah, that is my strong arm!

Interview with the Vampires

This tag is going around and I loved it. No one tagged me for this. No one ever tags me *sigh*

I ganked it from my namesake in Mumbai.

As much as I complain, praise and declare my love for my "just turned 5 Son" and "just turned 7 Daughter", perhaps a faithful reportage of my kids own words and actions will give y'all a sense how they interact and think.

ME: What is something I always say to you?
SON: Behaaaave! *makes exaggerated eye rolling motions*
DAUGHTER: I love you. *gives me a hug*

ME: What makes me happy?
SON:Singing in the shower. *giggles*
DAUGHTER: When I kiss you *kisses me*

ME: What makes me sad?
SON:Hitting your head! *makes wild and crazy whooping sounds and makes windmills of his arms*
DAUGHTER: When your legs hurt, like today. *kisses my left knee*

ME: How do I make you laugh?
SON: Singing in the shower. *now he is rolling on the ground with laughter*
DAUGHTER: When you tickle me *looks very serious*

ME:What do you think I was like as a child?
SON:A vegetarian.
DAUGHTER: I dont really know. *said very slow* ....IwantanAmericanGirlDollGymnasticsOutfitSetFromSamantha *said very fast*

ME: How old am I?
SON: A million *very serious*
DAUGHTER: Oldddddddddddd. When are you going to Billy to color your hair again?*very serious*

ME: How tall am I?
SON: 17 feet *said very fast*
DAUGHTER: 5 Feet or something. But Dad's really tall. He is the tallest in the family. *squinting at me*

ME: What is my favourite thing to do?
SON: Singing in the shower *makes dancing motions and pretend scrubs himself*
DAUGHTER: Buying Stuff *giggles madly*

ME: What do I do when you’re not around?
SON:You coooooook something.
DAUGHTER: Go to work.

ME: If I become famous, what will it be for?
SON: Wearing makeup. *jumps on the couch*
DAUGHTER: Singing *does some Hip Hop dancing motions and sings Romeo (Taylor Swift) into pretend mike*

ME: What am I really good at?
SON:Training *makes weighlifting motions and goes aaaahhhh aaaahhhhhh*
DAUGHTER: Doing Kick boxing. Sometimes you are and sometimes you ar'nt. Right? *squints at me looking skeptical*

ME:What am I not really good at?
SON:Singing in the shower *very serious and straight face*
DAUGHTER: Fixing things. *very, very, very serious and straight face*

ME: What is my job?
SON: Cooking and talking *runs into the kitchen and comes back waving a ladle in the air*
DAUGHTER: Stuffffffffff *looks very bored*

ME: What is my favourite food?
SON:Meat
DAUGHTER: Vegetables

ME: What makes you proud of me?
SON:When you give me a pedicure. *jumps on couch and throws a pillow across the room*
DAUGHTER: After you are done getting a shot without crying. *looks very serious*

ME: What makes me proud of you?
SON:When I sing in the shower. *proceeds to sing Tomorrow from the musical Annie*
DAUGHTER: When I get everything right on my spelling test. *kisses me*

ME: What do you and I do together?
SON:You give me a pedicure. *massages his left foot while hopping on the right. Daughter pushes him over. Son falls down. Fight ensues. Son cries*
DAUGHTER: Go to the Mall. *looking hopeful*

ME: How are we the same?
SON: Same in a different way. *looks very puzzled*
DAUGHTER: We both have black hair. *swings her long hair around and around and around and promptly falls down from dizziness. Spends two minutes crying. I have to kiss her*

ME: How are you and I different?
SON: Mom I want Pancakes! *loud voice*
DAUGHTER: You wear glasses when you read. *soft voice*

ME: What is one thing you wish you could change about me?
SON:Mooooooom I want pancakes! *very loud and swinging aforementioned ladle*
DAUGHTER:You not wearing glasses when you read. *pulls my glasses off*

And I tag whoever wishes to take this up. It is fun.

Hunterwalli and the toe that hurts today

Nina is a very talented writer who writes some lovely blogs. I enjoy reading her work tremendously. Today she wrote a poignant piece about Life imitating Art and vice versa. Read it here. Scenes that bring back feelings, memories and thoughts happen to us more often than we realise. Why, this happened to me just yesterday!

Last evening I had a "Fearless Nadia of WadiaMovietone Hunterwaali /Robert Deniro Taxi Driver "you looking at me"/Ralph Macchio in Karate Kid " MOMENT. Yeah, all of them at the same time!

This was in a traffic altercation in my peaceful little suburban hamlet where a goose crossing the main street causes the 7 man policeforce to come out in full force with lights flashing... to protect the goose!

So anyway it is important that AN APE was being impatient and honking madly behind me while I craned my neck to make sure it was okay to make a right hand turn on a red light. He probably was upset because it was getting to closing time at the Zoo and he had to get back to his Apehouse before the zookeeper found out he (ufffff...the ape, not the zookeeper) was missing. The Ape was impatient but I was being careful because I had the kids in the car with me.

After the turn was made, the Ape forced me onto the road shoulder and stopped his Apemobile in front of my car. He clambered out of his car and rapped his hairy knuckles on my window. And then ofcourse he proceeded to make an ass of himself by yelling in my ear.

Needless to say by this point I was chanelling all three movie characters in thier iconic scenes... Fearless Nadia and Robert Deniro and Grasshopper Ralph Machhio.

I just looked at the APE with derision and narrowed eyes ... I was itching to be dressed in a one shouldered tigerskin dress, swing from a tree above him, bodyslam him and then kick his teeth in with my extremely overrated kickboxing skills. At this point I was mentally counting how many of his teeth I could knock out with a roundhouse kick and a left hook! However I was also wanting desperately to be zen. Zen won. YAY ME! Mr. Miyagi would have been proud. I smiled and shut the window in his face.

Ofcourse after the Ape left the scene, I kicked at a tree branch viciously in frustration and sprained my toe! I then hopped around on one foot howling with pain in the manner of PeeWee Herman on a Sunday morning kids show. It didnt help that my pesky kids and thier even more irreverent friend sitting in the back seat howled with laughter at that sight!

So many scenes, so many emotions from so many movies in 5 minutes. I even enacted a TV show. Guess I am also plagarising a life script as I move through it. Are the media walas doing it to me too?

The King sat in his counting house, counting all his money!

A blogger whose posts are clever, thoughful and very topical writes about rearing generous, balanced kids in a material world. A very thought provoking post. Go read it here.

Interestingly enough I was in the process of writing a post that covered the same issues... a financial education for my kids. I brought it forward in my long line of unfinished drafts because this topic is red hot in my house RIGHT NOW. Fortuitous or what?

What was the catalyst for this post you ask?

Well, an unexpected expense reared it ugly head a month ago. A weather related "act of god" (or something like that according to the insurance company) means that we absolutely have to buy a new car. Not the runabout small car which hopefully will continue to run for a few more years *fingers crossed*, but the family car in which the kids and thier friends are transported to thier million activies by "moms taxi company"! Right now as a one car family, we are absolutely crazed. Mom's taxi is also transporting Dad around and the taxi driver (yours truly) is exhausted! We need another car and we need it now.

In unexpected ways, the process of buying the car has begun the lessons of a financial education for my kids.

At "just turned 7" and "just turned 5" my kids are begining to understand delayed gratification just a bit. Not all of it but some bits. I think the crux of "a financial education" is understanding delayed gratification. The car is now the object of thier delayed gratification.

I have involved the kids as much as I can in the process and have told them we need to save up for a new car and must spend wisely in the next few months. The process of physically clambering into new cars at the dealerships, smelling the leather seats (dont ask) and taking test drives with us and being asked what features they would like in the car (son wants a DVD player, daughter wants a moonroof and large cargo area for her bike and picnic coolers) mentally and physically connects them to a tangible goal/reward for saving. I think it makes them as excited to save the $2 the tooth fairy gave Daughter as I am thrilled to save $25 because I only bought the items advertised on the first page of the grocery weekly circular (try it, works everytime). It has given them a sense of what money can do for them. It has made the concept of money more concrete in thier minds.

Ofcourse they have thier greedy moments when they need everything they see. The million peices of bubblegum and yet another Hannah Montana made in china T shirt that will fall apart after the first wash, and the sponge bob bubble maker that sputters to a stop when we put the bubble solution inside. That continues, but it is now sporadic not the continous whine it used to be.

Now we make plans of what we are going to do and what we need before we go to the mall. A carousel ride or the trip to the ice cream store is a given at the mall, but it is begining to stop at that. We discuss the merits of buying yet more "bear clothes" at Build-a-bear (the worst waste of money I ever saw) versus getting that DVD player option for the car. I think Daughter really gets it. Son gets it about 75% of the time.

I think something that has helped the process along fast has been that Husband and I have always tried to live with only what we love. We are very minialist in decor and collecting possesions around us. There are only three things we collect as a family. Clothes (because I love them), books and art (because we all love these). Every June and Jan, Husband and I literally take a trash bag room to room and will remove any item that has not been touched or loved in the last six months. What is removed is given to goodwill. The kids and the Husband make a big production out of the process of this donation. The kids have been watching and absorbing. Over the years, I think the kids will learn to live with only what gives them the most pleasure to be around. Ofcourse for right now the kids continue to keep thier million Barbies and Stomp Rockets and whatnot. Those trash bags arnt in use in the kids rooms... for now!

My father, an ex military man has a phrase he likes to use... shipshape. It means that whatever you have must be in the best working order, else it goes out the door. A great mantra for decluttering material or non material things from lives.

About generosity. Because the kids had not quite understood the power of money and how to be generous with it until now, we allowed them to build a sense of empathy with the less fortunate by doing things that didnt involve money. Things they could do by themselves. For example daughter said she could help sick kids by growing her hair for locks of love (hair over 10 inches is donated for wigs for kids with cancer). Son doesnt get that yet but he will... especially when we come to India in Aug and he notices the street children conciously for the first time. My daughter was reduced to tears on our last visit and she had so many questions which needed honest answers. This time I want her to start interacting with them in some way. I dont want the interaction to have a patronising flavor at all. I would like her to meet them as equals. She will learn and be helped by them in ways perhaps different from what they will learn from her, but it needs to be and will be a meeting of equals. (Any suggestions of how she can do that on a short term basis in Pune/Mumbai will be most appreciated). Groups the kids belong to, like Scouting is also a great avenue for them to learn to do things for the community. The kids need to learn that there are people who have much less than them. I hope it will make them appreciate thier good fortune later on.

There is a long way to go and much time to do it in... it is a process. And I am still learning myself!