Friday, December 5, 2008

Saab/Memsaab Bathroom Mein Hain

Just a letter I wrote that I would like to fax/email/mail the publicity hound celebrities in question! I would like to title this letter.."saab/memsaab bathroom mein hein"

Dear Mr/Ms Celebrity,

We realise that the Mumbai Tragedy is more about being a PR opportunity for a ton of folks like you. The media uses you and you use the media equally shamelessly. While you may really want to believe (and have us believe) that you are a bleeding heart, we ain't so dumb honey! Besides which we can call as spade a spade, especially when it has to move a load of bullshit. Okay so this is a spade and that pile over there is bullshit. You and me clear on that?

Moving along...

The media, yeah even the "thinking" media uses you to gain eyeballs. Agreed! Your Goofball celebrety friends who have never before shown an iota of sustained public interest in matters of public policy or security are recruited by media for endless discussions. Ofcourse darling, the real victims and eyewitnesses and situation handlers of this appaling tragedy are convininetly ignored. It dosent make for good composition on the screen or in print to have them in the same frame. Case in point that really disgusting discussion by Barkha Dutt with total public policy zeros like Ness Wadia and Simi Garewal. Ridiculous and stomach churning ranting and a complete waste of precious airtime. Okay so the media got a pound of your willing and toned and airbrush tanned flesh. But honey you benefitted too wouldnt you say, despite the fact that some of us thought you were totally disgusting?

Oh and if you dont quite get into that TV thing, you always have the PR statement route. There you have it... a great opportunity for making innane "closing the barn door after the horse has bolted" comments and rants. Case in point... Saif and Kareena's statement that says nothing at all. You got your name in print for today and you got your name ticked off on that great leapord skin wrapped register that records "dont you forget, I was there too"! Okay we wont forget that you were breathing the day all this happened. But you know, some of us public were breathing a littl bit harder. After all we really had to run for our unwashed lives.

Ofcourse and then you have other bretheren of the "Candle lighting" and "10 point agenda presenting" fame. Case in point... Karan Johar and his cohorts and thier agenda. Ofcourse doing any of this in private would be blasphemy. Without it being made public, none of this agenda business would help you in any way would it?

And yes we know that while you did benefit directly and indirectly from the showbiz-business-underworld nexus... and dont say you didnt (remember the spade... it's still a spade) and you were discrete enough to keep that aspect private, what matters is your statement is public. Yes we do know, you were there. Okay?

But darling, given all that, and the fact that you really dont come off as too bright or even a real bleeding heart, unless you have something significant to add that will make a real difference, shut the hell up.
And sweetie, if you cant shut the hell up, do something REALLY responsible and useful. Atleast a bunch of Hollywood stars got together and had a massive fundraising telethon for funds of victims of terrorism after 9/11. Has anyone on your wife's kitty party/boyfriends/designer-friend set said something about being of service like this? Have you considered donating your own time, money or name to a cause that really makes a differece to combating terrorism. I am not seeing any of this and I have been looking really hard.

Oh and darling, I just have to add this... you know all those showbiz star friends of yours... you know, the ones that are extremely moderate (almost parsimonious) in various things...religion, and public policy and ohhhhh.... ethics. You know they are really begining to really piss me off.
We get it... Islam is a religion of peace. Understood and point noted and underlined in red. Every statement of thiers starts with this point. I get it!!!!! I am not going to argue that fundamental belief. I belive my religion teaches peace and tolerance too.

Okay so we got over that point.

Yeah but what about the rest that needs to be said? And Mr. Celebrity if you need me to tell you what really needs to be said, your testicles havent decended yet! And Ms. Celebrity you aint ever going to grow a pair so moot point. So what needs to be said? Lets hear it from you! Lets hear it. Louder.. darling... louder... you can say it... yes you can!

Sweety, stick your neck out. If you cant be sincere and do something useful, go back to sleep and tell your maid to tell me .. "saab/memsaab bathroom mein hein"... when I call for help or comfort. Both of us will be happier that way. Our roles will be validated.

Your friend,
Just Another Member of the Unwashed Masses
Another Kiran in NYC


Anonymous said...

I must say that I'm pretty grateful that I don't get Indian television, because I'd be unable to look away but it would really p**s me off too.

Love the post's title ;-)

Anonymous said...

You've really pulled no punches here and have told it like it is. Me likey your no holds barred letter bherry bherry much. While I do not doubt the huge readership that Shobhaa's blog and your own blog enjoys, I think you should send this entry to sites such as, IndianPad, Bollywood Hungama et al.

Let the PR chamchas of a certain Mr. Ham-n-Cheese, of the first phaamily and their green-eyed bahu and of a tatooed jodi read this. If you are really lucky, a certain Shahenshah may even blog about your letter tonight:-)

Cinematically Speaking.

Anonymous said...

Me again. Sorry, not trying to stalk you or anything:-)but just wanted to let you know that I've left a small message for you on my blog. Do check it out when you find a moment.

I am loving your blog & writing, and dare I say, as always:-)

Anorak @ Cinematically Speaking.

Rahul Viswanath said...

Too good to be true ..... LOL .... nice post :)

DeeplyDip said...

fantastic...very well written. I cam to your blogthu your comment made on Shobha de's blog on Barkha Dutt and I could'nt agree with you more..will keep cming back and hey blog rolling you!